dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
