Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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