i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
