respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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