I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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