If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
