Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
