a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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