Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
