i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
