Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
