tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
