You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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