Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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