currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
