A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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