I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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