Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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