Define "chronic" masturbator.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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