yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
