i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
