I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
