chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
