capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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