you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
