Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
