he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
