I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
