Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
