If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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