I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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