just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
two words: eviction party
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
