I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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