Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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