he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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