angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize