I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize