What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
