Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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