bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
