please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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