Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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