i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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