hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize