dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
