pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The chlamydia really affected his face.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
