cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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