So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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