She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
