fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My dick has a subreddit
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
