I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
