why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
