she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
