why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just forgot I was standing up.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
