Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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