***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize