I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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