never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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