I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
