Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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