I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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