I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
