I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
