and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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