matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
