We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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