Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
