I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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