it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she pinky promised me she was 18
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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