No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
