Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
