he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
