Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
