The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
