): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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