...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
