this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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