Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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