I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
