You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
