I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
