Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
