I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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