so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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