Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
