she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
