Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
