that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
