I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
