you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
