I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
