he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
