I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize