so explain again why im purple
no
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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