that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
