im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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