I hate all girls vehemently.
I have demons in me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
