i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize