I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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