Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
