Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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