please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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