Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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