Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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