Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
