he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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