I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
why do cheetos always look like penises
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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