Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
