Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
