he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize