The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize